I was in a bad funk for 3-4 weeks. I passed the 100 day mark in that funk. I’m finally emerging and feeling brighter everyday. Today is 110!
The week of Thanksgiving I had a cold. The next week I had a surgery which had me lying on the couch for over a week trying to recover and then taking it easy for another week. Being tired, weak and low in spirits for weeks wore me down. It made it a lot harder to be strong in my resolve to remain alcohol free.
Toward the end, I was depressed and pissed off. Where was my pink cloud, my clear head, my new zest for life in sobriety? Where was this anxiety coming from? It had all but disappeared with my alcohol abstienence and now it was back? With each day that passed feeling bad, anxious or just bleak, I questioned what the hell was I doing not drinking. Fuck it occasionally crossed my mind. If I was going to consistently feel like crap, I might as well have my old friend around to console me. The Old Crow, my alcohol voice was happy to tell me that alcohol would soothe me, make the sad feelings fade, block out the anxiety. Sure it might be temporary, but would be better than nothing she assured me.
But I resisted. I kept telling myself I would feel better when this passed and it would pass. I figured I would feel worse if I succumbed, so I waded through this time without drinking. I had slacked off on using my sobriety tools while I was feeling down. I just didn’t have the energy.
As soon a flicker of energy appeared, I picked up my quit lit book, pressed play on my sobriety podcasts, journaled out all my anxious fears, returned to my daily gratitude art journal and worked on increasing my activity level with long walks.
It was amazing! Within a couple of days, the funk started to lift. I remembered why I am choosing not to drink. I am glad I listened to the part of me that advised me to wait and let it pass. It did. And I feel stronger and happier. Successfully getting through this funk without alcohol better equips me to deal with it when it comes around again. Because life is ups and downs. Being alcohol free makes the highs brighter and the lows, while not fun, more manageable. But what’s really cool is that it makes all the in-between time so nice. I’m able to find a lot of joy in the mundane. That’s the part I like the best because the majority of life is lived in-between the ups and downs.